A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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