my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Too much gin, very little bucket
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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