I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Randomize
