We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
