I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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