Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
