You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
