If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize