the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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