If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
