just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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