1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
