you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize