Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
When are your genitals available?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
