Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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