You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
