mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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