gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He did a backflip because drugs
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
