I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
