So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
