I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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