This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
