Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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