Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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