just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
