I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
