Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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