watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
