Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
