every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
