The maid of honor just puked.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
He felt like a one man threesome
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
