i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
