The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
