Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
