Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
