People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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