toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
