dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
