Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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