Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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