im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
