so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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