and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I could fuck to npr.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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