I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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