How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize