I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
