I smell stomach acid.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize