these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
