my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
