i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
