The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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