If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
