Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
