If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize