i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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