Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
did you just send me my own nude
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
