I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
