I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
