Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
