There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
