Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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