Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
