epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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