Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
