Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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