my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
