Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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