my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
