So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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