Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Rumble strips road head = magical
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
