is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
